Ruth Bader Ginsburg said in an interview yesterday she thinks “America is ready for gay marriage,” on the heels of another interview where she said: “When will there be enough women on the court? … When there are nine.” In this wake of absolute badassery, Above Average sat down with the microphone the Supreme Court Justice just f*ckin’ dropped. Hard.
Above Average: Wow you must be excited, huh? How’s it going?
Microphone: Um, not great dude.
AA: Sorry. I thought you’d be happy about this.
M: Oh I’m sorry, has a SUPREME COURT JUSTICE ever dropped you so hard that it made national news headlines?
AA: No. I’m a human.
M: Then yeah, I’m not doing so hot. RBG just picked me up, spit some bomb truth into me, then let me FALL to the GROUND. Just destroyed all the haters. Got dents all over my metal ass. And listen, I’m a durable piece of audio equipment. But we are not meant for being dropped that hard.
AA: Actually my next question was going to be, is there another time you can recall being dropped so hard and by such an OG?
M: Oh I’ve never been dropped this hard. I mean, most recently there was that sick burn Obama did at the State of the Union. That left me with a headache. And one time Rihanna said something about not needing a boyfriend, but no. Nothing to this extent.
AA: Totally. I mean, she basically told everyone to get over their issues with gay marriage, AND called out the American Judicial system’s sexism, all within a week.
M: Which I am all for. I’m gay. My husband and I are very happy that finally there’s a Supreme Court Justice saying these things. And whether you call it “reverse sexism” or not- which for the record is a totally nonexistent issue- in my heart of hearts, I believe that an all-female Supreme Court would be fantastic.
M: She didn’t even tell anyone she was going to say that stuff. She spoke gospel then was all “yeah I’m out.” And in public. Just… the way she sat back in the chair like a boss. Then threw me to the ground, to make a point.
AA: I feel that I must bring up the issue, though, that you’re technically a metaphorical microphone, not an actua-
M: I’m gonna stop you right there. I know, I know. I’m a proverbial mic. She didn’t literally drop anything. But it hurt. And that is my truth. Which is even more painful because I feel alone in this. Ruth Bader Ginsburg just shit all OVER the haters. If they don’t put her on the dollar, they’d be insane. But it was all at my expense. Who’s gonna pay my medical bills, man? My husband and I don’t have health insurance. We’re electronics. Guess how much health care we get at our jobs.
AA: I don’t kno-
AA: Okay, okay. I’m sorry.
M: Yeah. Do you have any more questions? I’m running late for a Neil deGrasse Tyson speech.
AA: No, that’s it. Thanks for your time.