Like almost everyone on the planet, I was a huge Gumby-head as a kid. I lived the Gumby lifestyle to the max and loved every second of it. But there’s one Gumby question that’s been bugging me since I was 5: Is Gumby a boy Gumby or a girl Gumby?
Look, I get that gender is, by and large, a social construct. But the curiosity remains – if Gumby had to pick a gender how would Gumby identify? A boy Gumby? A girl Gumby? A gender fluid Gumby? Plus, knowing whether Gumby is a boy Gumby or a girl Gumby would unlock unlock the mysteries of Gumby mating, Gumby courtship and Gumby sexuality. We know Gumby has parents. Presumably Gumby’s mom and Gumby’s dad mated in some way in order to create Gumby. But how?
Gumbies don’t wear any clothes – there is no part of the Gumby left to the viewer’s imagination. However, none of the Gumby’s seem to have genatalia. Gumby does not seem to have a Gumby penis nor does Gumby seem to have a Gumby vagina. In fact, Gumby is entirely devoid of orifices or protuberances that would typically signal a reproductive organ. Perhaps Gumby’s procreate asexually but why then create a family unit at all?
Is a Gumby family unit merely a monogamous pairing of two sexually compatible Gumbies? Perhaps the Gumbies do not Gumby mate in order to reproduce other Gumbies but merely for Gumby pleasure? And, in that Gumby vein, is Gumby a gay Gumby or a straight Gumby? Perhaps a bisexual Gumby? Or a Gumby Gumby who Gumbys non-Gumbies?
In some Gumby’s Gumby has a girlfriend who clearly Gumbies to dress as a girl Gumby. But Gumby could be a gay girl Gumby who has another gay girl Gumby as a girlfriend. And that would be Gumby by me, I have an uncle who is a gay uncle. So if Gumby was a gay Gumby, I would still love Gumby.
Gumby is Gumbied to by the Gumby Gumby “he”. But Gumby what? Any Gumby can Gumby if Gumby only lets a Gumby Gumby. I am female and gumbietimes I even Gumby if the Gumby feels like a convenient Gumby in which to Gumby as a Gumby. There is simply no Gumby to suggest Gumby. And that’s the real Gumby.
So, please send any information, tips or the key to the basement where I’ve been held for 15 years and have been watching reruns of Gumby every single day of my life to email@example.com which is a real email address I now have. I will send you a personally reply within 3 business days.
You might also like…