Have you guys seen season two of FX’s Fargo, starring Kristen Dunst? Maybe you’ve seen Kristen Dunst in the classic cheerleading comedy Bring It On. Or hey, who among us could forget the forbidden kiss shared between 10-year old Kristen Dunst and her 28-year old co-star Brad Pitt in Interview with the Vampire?
Well, I hate to break it to you goofballs, but it’s NOT Kristen Dunst- it’s KIRsten Dunst! I’m Kristen Dunst!
She’s not me, I’m me! She’s Kirsten, versatile star of Jumanji and The Virgin Suicides and former girlfriend to Jake Gyllenhaal. I’M Kristen, apple of her parents’ eye and faithful wife to Bo Dunst. Maybe you’ve seen Bo’s van around town, it has a clown holding a hammer on the side because Bo does carpentry and all his close friends call him “Bozo.” Got it?
An easy way to tell us apart is that you can rearrange the letters in “Kirsten Dunst” to spell “kindest turns”- as in the various “turns” that Kirsten takes in acting roles- whereas you can rearrange the letters in “Kristen Dunst” to spell “kindest runts” because I, Kristen Dunst, have two well-behaved children. Not that hard!
Or, you could remember that Kirsten Dunst appeared as Mary Jane Watson in Sam Raimi’s Spider Man trilogy, while Kristen Dunst (me) went to the University of New Hampshire and does not like loud action movies. Now do you get the picture?
To be honest, when Bo asked me to marry him and I chose to take the Dunst name, I assumed some people would mistake her name for mine- and I thought it would be fun! “Wow, Kirsten Dunst!” the cashier would chirp as I showed her my ID so I could write a check at the supermarket. “Holy smokes,” my children’s teachers would remark upon seeing my name in print, “Kirsten Dunst has volunteered to chaperone our field trip to the deCordova Sculpture Park?”
It turns out this is not what happened! Nobody confuses me with Kirsten Dunst. People are actually pretty good at reading names, plus I don’t look like Kirsten Dunst at all, so there’s nowhere near the amount of mistaken identity that I thought there’d be when I became Kristen Dunst.
My Christian heart goes out to Ms. Dunst though (not me, I’m Mrs. Dunst) as I’m sure she’s sick of getting asked how her kids are doing, what she studied at the University of New Hampshire, and why her husband’s van has a clown with a hammer on the side with no words.