Saying that “it just doesn’t matter anymore,” and that “[Donald Trump] can get all the cavities [he] wants,” Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway reversed course this week and has started allowing the Republican presidential nominee to eat candy for breakfast.
When she joined the campaign in August, Conway was frequently seen prying chocolate bars and jawbreakers out of Trump’s hands while telling him that he would get them back after dinner. She also instituted a strict One Bite Of Vegetables For Every Bite Of Desert policy. However, in recent days, Conway appears to have given up.
“This is the authentic Donald Trump, and ultimately this is what people want,” Conway told reporters while trying to clean melted Jolly Ranchers off one of Trump’s microphones. “Establishment politicians are afraid to wake up in the morning, eat twelve peanut butter cups, and wash it down with a two-liter of Sprite. But Donald — oh, Jesus Christ, did he just throw up on himself again? Donald! Donald, what did I tell you?”