Hey, listen! Who hasn’t gotten turned on while playing The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time? Name one person. You can’t! To celebrate this universal whistle wetter, we’ve compiled a list of Link’s top 8 ocarina songs to make sweet love to, preferably in the Gerudo valley. Watch out for your HP, ‘case these songs are killer.

 

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Epona’s Song
This tune will be making you go Up, Left, Right, Up, Left, Right all night long. Summon Epona or fill up that empty milk bottle while that little piece of wood with holes in it does its thing. You’ll be playing this one over and over again until you can do it without even looking at your joystick.

 

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Minuet of Forest
Don’t be fooled by the title, this song is raunchy as fuh. Transport yourself to the Forest Temple of Hyrule with this slow serenade into ecstasy. You won’t even care that your partner still refers to Link as Zelda.

 

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Bolero of Fire
“Bolero of Fire” is the kind of Ocarina jam that would make Usher cream his pants. Tell Navi to avert its eyes because what happens after Link plays this song is NSFF (Not Safe For Fairies).

 

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Nocturne of Shadow
This melody is the perfect accompaniment to a nighttime romp in the proverbial hay. To add more spice to the night, have your partner put on Majora’s Mask for some TWO-person RPGs. Careful you don’t bust all over the pots and get rupees everywhere.


 

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Song of Storms
Play this song to make it rain. And by “make it rain,” you know what we’re talking about. Think about it. No not that. Yup, that’s it.

 

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Sun’s Song
This spell song is perfect for a little morning wood. You’ll be making love for so long, you’ll snap out of it and realize day has turned to night. So don’t have sex to this one if you’ve got stuff to do later that afternoon.

 

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Requiem of Spirit
This is a “warp” song, only in that it’ll warp your body into a sex pretzel.

 

And, for Post-Coitus:
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Zelda’s Lullabye
This is the classic spell song that’ll put you both immediately to sleep after swingin’ that sword. Also, if you play this near a Tri-force symbol, you’re in for a special treat (psst… it’s butt stuff).

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