It’s a financial meltdown that has been likened to the 2008 banking crisis: the Leprechaun community – usually known for its chimerical whimsy – filed for Chapter 13 bankruptcy this afternoon after a clerical error resulted in four rainbows appearing simultaneously in New York.
“The rainbows were so close together… they discovered our pots of gold so fast…” said Stumpy O’Shaughnessy, the unofficial Leprechaun spokesperson who we spent hours trying to capture in order to get a quote. “We have to give each person three wishes, per rainbow. Quadruple rainbow. That’s twelve wishes in five minutes, and they all wished for more gold. We love mischief but not like this.”
To add insult to injury, the quadruple rainbow blew up on the internet causing a PR nightmare. Facebookers everywhere rejoiced in this otherwise inexplicable phenomenon, while O’Shaughnessy pleaded for empathy: “Just remember that at the end of every rainbow is a terrified Leprechaun guarding his entire savings with his life.”
“We just sat on our toadstools and let ourselves cry for a few minutes. But we couldn’t let the pity party last forever,” claimed O’Shaughnessy. “We have to get back out there and keep doing what we love: cobbling, hoarding gold, and secretly tying people’s shoelaces together so that when they stand up, they fall over.” Financial analysts argue that keeping cauldrons full of money isn’t the safest money management style. However, this has been their tradition for centuries.
According to their self-imposed business practices, if a human finds a Leprechaun’s pot of gold at the the end of a rainbow, the Leprechaun must give all the gold away to the human and grant them three wishes. When asked why Leprechauns still follow this vestigial rule, O’Shaugnessy replied: “Wait, what? What do you mean we don’t have to give it away?”
For now, the Leprechauns are doing their best to regroup and get back to their capricious former selves. O’Shaughnessy is hopeful: “Oh God, you’re right. We don’t have to give it all away. Bullocks.”
As the Irish say, “Time will heal all empty gold pots, and then those pots will all be filled back up again soon I hope top of the mornin’ to ya lassie.”