Lacking even a modicum of shame or self awareness, adult man Bob Longo announced to co-workers this week that he is “very much” looking forward to watching this year’s MTV Video Music Awards despite the fact that he is openly in his 30’s.

“Britney Spears is going to be there again this year, that should be pretty good,” said Longo of the made up awards show for teenagers, failing to acknowledge that he himself was a freshman in high school when Ms. Spears famously danced with an albino python during a performance of her song “I’m A Slave 4 U.”

“It’s Britney, so you know she’s going to do something wild.”


Admitting that while he has never heard of VMA nominees Troye Sivan, Desiigner, or 99 Souls, Bob did clarify that he knows Video of the Year nominee Drake’s “Hotline Bling” from the cell phone commercial, and that he hopes Beyoncé doesn’t do anything too political.

“She’s so talented, I just miss that ‘Single Ladies’ sound” he said, referencing Ms. Knowles’ song from almost a decade ago.

The Video Music Awards air Sunday, August 28th on MTV.

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