On October 31, 2015, the day that millions of people will dress up in costumes and go door-to-door asking for candy in the American tradition of Halloween, Sean Balanchant will emerge, for the first time as himself: an asshole.

Part of Balanchant’s coming out was finding a way to tell his family and friends about his new identity: “I knew that if I showed up at a party on Halloween wearing the Caitlyn Jenner costume from Wholesale Halloween Costumes with a full beard, hairy man-thighs and a very shitty wig — clearly ridiculing a trans woman for being trans — everyone there would immediately understand that I’m an asshole. I wouldn’t have to explain, I wouldn’t even have to use words.”


Balanchant got one of his asshole friends to photoshop him onto this Vanity Fair cover, as a part of his asshole coming out process.

When the costume made headlines yesterday, Balanchant recognized the opportunity to share his truth and jumped at it. “Non-asshole Sean was always telling lies,” says Balanchant, “Asshole Sean doesn’t have any lies. Asshole Sean doesn’t have any secrets.”

Inside, Balanchant has always been an asshole – he was born a real asshole – but he’s never felt comfortable living as an asshole. Until now.

“I had been living a double life, pretending not to be an asshole out in the world and then coming home and privately doing all these asshole things: cutting hearses off in traffic, peeing all over the bathroom floor, making fun of disabled people on the internet. I knew that I felt most comfortable, most like myself when I did those things. I finally reached a breaking point.”

Balanchant immediately purchased the costume in anticipation of the big day, which is a little over nine weeks away. Now he stands in front of the mirror admiring himself. The effect is striking: he looks perfect – not at all like Caitlyn Jenner, but exactly like an asshole dressing like Caitlyn Jenner. He takes a deep breath and smiles.

“I feel free. I feel like a complete fucking asshole. I feel like me.”

Here’s some spooky costumes you should actually consider.

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