Not to be out-diversified by Mattel’s announcement that a new line of Barbie toys will showcase a variety of female body types, Marvel too this week has proclaimed its latest male superhero figures will better represent the bodies of their audience. From petite to plus-size, here’s a breakdown of the new toys, with commentary from Marvel toy designers. Remember: they’re not dolls, they’re action figures- and they’re beautiful in any shape.


[photoshop: Derrick Sanskrit for Above Average]

Curvy Spider Man – NOTES: “Like the majority of his fans, Peter Parker is a hormonal teen who probably doesn’t eat that well to begin with. There’s just no way a 15-year old would be so jacked, and that truth is what inspired this Spidey’s attainable physique- not good PR and selling more plastic, that’s not what this is about.”


[photoshop: Derrick Sanskrit for Above Average]

Petite Hulk NOTES: “Look, it’s 2016. We must show boys and girls alike that not every Hulk is 9 feet tall. Sometimes, the monster that dwells within is actually quite slender and dainty! The monster is still usually green, though.”


[photoshop: Derrick Sanskrit for Above Average]

Tall Rocket Raccoon – NOTES: “In real life, genetically modified raccoons with a passion for guns come in all shapes, from the familiar raccoon-sized variety to the adult man-sized. Every raccoon deserves to look his peers in the eyes. This makes good sense, and you should buy Tall Rocket Raccoon.”


[photoshop: Derrick Sanskrit for Above Average]

Big Feet Captain America – NOTES: “Cap has always represented the American ideal, but if you think about it, that kind of intangible and crazy aspiration is what painted this country into a corner to begin with. America is really about celebrating our differences, so we gave this Captain America really big feet.”


[photoshop: Derrick Sanskrit for Above Average]

Plus-Size Thor – NOTES: “The God of Thunder’s traditional breastplate has served as a girdle for too long. Like many an Norseman, Thor would likely have a big round belly, plump from the day’s feast of salmon and lingonberries. Do you not see yourself in his image?”


[photoshop: Derrick Sanskrit for Above Average]

Glasses Iron Man – NOTES: “Whereas billionaire playboy Tony Stark puts on a whole suit of metal armor in order to become a hero, there are many everyday heroes who put just a small piece of metal or plastic on their bodies in order to function. I’m talking about glasses, of course. This Iron Man has glasses.”

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