BOO!! Halloween is only a few weeks away. Looking for something scary to eat? Instead of letting Burger King’s black Whopper turn your poop green, check out McDonald’s truly frightening burger, The McHeartAttack™! This baby is packed with lethal levels of fat and sodium and nothing says spoooookkyyy like the crushing pain in your chest that signals that your heart muscle is dying. WooOOOooohhh…there ees a dead a-heart eenside your chessst!
The McHeartAttack™ is just our standard Big Mac but we put it in Halloween-themed packaging. Because the Big Mac has always been completely horrifying – it contains 970mg of sodium, 80mg of cholesterol and 29 grams of fat, 10 grams of which are saturated fat. That’s the kind of fat that clogs your coronary artery to the point that oxygenated blood can’t reach your heart. Ooooooohh!! Theees burgaaire weeel drag you straight to helllll!!
What’s in a McHeartAttack™?? We start with a big, fluffy horror bun: filled with azodicarbonamide, a “dough conditioner.” Ohh no!! Azodicarbonamide!! Then we slather it with ghoulish “special sauce” that resembles a real dead man’s semen. Last, we load it up with two creepy, grey beef patties whose origins are unknown and American cheese that was created by a madman in a lab and squished into the shape of food!! Y’know, the recipe for a Big Mac, but now we’re highlighting how totally bone-chilling this revolting monster hamburger is. Because it’s Halloween and we want to sell you even more of our nightmare food.
Stop in for a petrifying, hair-raising McHeartAttack™. You’ll be saying, “I vant to suck your blooood!! Because my heart is failing and I know it’s because there’s not enough blood reaching it but I’m not thinking clearly because I’m having a fucking heart attack.”