Whenever you fall asleep in your cozy little bed, there’s a decent chance you’ll unknowingly devour a live spider. It’s a scientific fact! But before these little critters get acquainted with your insides, you’d better get acquainted with them first.

1. Mr. Cuddles


Ever feel your face tingle at night? No, that’s not the wind. It’s Mr. Cuddles’ fuzzy-wuzzy legs! He’ll be the little spoon, and your esophagus can be the big spoon.

2. Amanda


You must be quite the lothario, ‘cuz you’ve got a lady in your bed! Amanda’s already gone through heartbreak once, so treat this black widow with respect.

3. Daniel Web-ster


This amazing arachnid is a total political junkie, not to mention a great public speaker. Maybe you’ll find a similar way with words after he crawls into your mouth.

4. Mommie Dearest



There’s nothing quite like a mother’s love. She can’t wait to see her hundreds of children hatch, but for now, she needs a nice place for her and her egg sac to stay warm. Maybe inside your digestive system?

5. Whiterman


This stylish spider only goes to the coolest clubs and listens to the hippest indie bands. Maybe he can whisper some music recommendations as he inches past your ear?

6. Buzz


Poor Buzz has hair everywhere but on his head, so he could use a little self-esteem boost. He’d like to get really close to you, if you would give him a chance.

7. Goggles


In this day and age, you almost have to be a hyper-focused workaholic. That sums up Goggles to a tee. He never takes a break—only ever sitting, watching, waiting for you to come back to your room.

Get Laughs in Your Inbox From Above Average!
We PROMISE to only send you funny stuff.