Responding to allegations that she plagiarized the writings of First Lady Michelle Obama in a speech delivered to the Republican National Convention in Cleveland last night, Donald Trump’s wife Melania has announced that she has, “never once used performance enhancing-drugs to win the Tour de France.”

“I have never doped to win a bike race,” Mrs. Trump clarified to reporters asking if she had plagiarized the speech, or if the malfeasance had been the handiwork of a speechwriter on her husband’s campaign team. “I have competed as an endurance athlete for 25 years with no spike in performance, passed more than 500 drug tests and never failed one.”

Melania continued, “I’m sorry you don’t believe in miracles, but the simple truth is that we outwork everyone. When you perform at a higher level in a race, you get questions about doping. Why would I enter into a sport and then dope myself up and risk my life again? That’s crazy. I would never do that. No way.”

When asked what Melania meant by the allusion to risking her life again, a Trump spokesperson replied simply that “this was an inappropriate question to ask a survivor of testicular cancer, especially one who has won so many Tour de France Championships.”

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