The Minions movie comes out this Friday and it’s sure to delight theatergoers everywhere, young and old. But when you’re taking your towheaded little nephew for some PG Minion fun, remember that the Minions would have totally supported Hitler!
According to their official definition, Minions “have only one purpose: to serve history’s most despicable masters.” Woah. “Masters”? Sorta reminds you of the master race, doesn’t it? Y’know who coined that term.
If they’d been around in 1939, which they actually were, because Minions “have existed from the beginning of time,” the Minions would have been the cutest, yellowest, silliest and most efficient S.S. officers.
Here’s the plot of Minions: Scarlet Overkill, a super-villain supported by an army of unquestioning underlings wearing identical uniforms, hatches a plot to take over the world.
Here’s the plot of the Holocaust: Hitler, an evil dictator supported by an army of unquestioning underlings wearing identical uniforms, hatches a plot to take over the world. Ruh-roh!
In fact, according to leader of the Nazi party, Heinrich Himmler’s definition, Minions would have been the ultimate S.S. officers: [An S.S. officer] “hesitates not for a single instant, but executes unquestioningly any order coming from the Führer.” Just think of it – a whole army of funny little Minions in overalls and goggles emblazoned with swastikas, cheerfully shooting children in the back and dumping bodies into mass graves. Boy, oh boy what a romp!
Actually, given all this evidence, let’s revisit the title of this article: Not only would the Minions have supported Hitler, they definitely did support Hitler. If you buy into the universe of the Minions – which stipulates that they’ve been around forever and live only to serve horrible masters – you are automatically buying into the absolute certainty that they were in the Nazi regime. It’s just logic.
So enjoy Minions, gang! And when you get a warm feeling, watching those adorable,Tic-Tac-shaped kooks, tumbling over each other in a delightful cartoon slapstick, picture about 10,000 of those little guys lined up in Munich, goose-stepping and devoting themselves to the most despicable (hee-hee) Holocaust the world has ever seen.