I have a problem. My 14-year-old son, Michael, won’t stop jerking off to the 1988 comedy film, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”. He’s done it every day for the past year and a half.

He laughs and laughs and then at some point the laughing stops. And the grunting begins.

We’re not naive, we know it’s totally normal for him to get his little rocks off, to yank his tiny chain, but I don’t understand why it has to always be to this weird half-cartoon film…

Jessica Rabbit GIF 1

It’s not like we monitor his internet activity either. He is free to look at “HOT”, “SEXY”, and/or “BARELY LEGAL” whatevers. We give him every opportunity to jerk off to humans. We leave the house often so he’ll have his space. His father left a box of Playboy and Playgirl magazines on his dresser, but they’ve never been opened.

Nothing works. Nothing slows his resolve to jerk off to this fantastical comedy. He has tunnel vision for a Robert Zemeckis film from the late eighties.

Michael’s Jerk-Off Schedule:
Michael gets home from school. Goes to his room.
He pops in the DVD. He laughs.
26 mins in. Jessica Rabbit shows up. He gets deathly quiet.
At some point after they get to Toon Town, he emerges from his room. Sweaty. Grabs a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. Goes back into his room.
I can’t confirm this last part, but I think he (ugh) finishes during the scene where Judge Doom gets melted by the very acid he was going to use to destroy Toon Town.

That film came out so long ago too. Long before he was born. I don’t even know where he heard about it or got a copy of the film! I’m truly at a loss. No parenting book has, or will ever have, applicable advice to my situation.

Help me.

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