Warning: Massive GoT spoilers ahead. This is a comedy website but I don’t joke around about Game of Thrones spoilers because I’m not a monster who gets off on the modicum of power I wield over strangers by virtue of having so little going on in my life that I can watch TV in a timely manner. So BE WARNED: if you haven’t watched Episode 2, Season 6, now is the time to stop reading.
Ok now we can get into it. Question: How hot is dead Jon Snow? Answer: SSSSSSMOOOOOKING!
Now some of you may be like, “This is gross, how can you think a dead guy is hot?” Um, it’s easy and actually not gross at all.
A huge part of Jon Snow’s appeal has always been how badly he needs taking care of. Ooo the big, brave Lord Commander is just a baby boy who can only get it up for redheads cause surrogate mommy Catlynn was a redhead who never loved him. So when he’s sprawled out in the snow at his most helpless, who doesn’t want to give him tongue-filled CPR? It’s not like they stabbed his face! Or dick. If you ignore the massive amounts of blood, he’s just a helpless pretty man who needs a mommy to kiss it and make it all better.
Ok but fast forward and he’s, like, super dead. Seems real nuts to be into that, right? Wrong, still hot as hell.
Then let’s look AT THAT BOD. I mean, oh baby, do they offer yoga classes on The Wall? Based on those guns, Lord Commander’s been doing hours of crow pose (pun proudly intended). And, hey, we could all see right through that lil’ loincloth. Guess Khalessi isn’t the only one in the world with a thick ass dragon.
And finally, it’s ok to be hot for dead Jon Snow cause WE KNEW HE WASN’T REALLY DEAD. It’s like how its ok to date people who are in a coma. They’re coming back! And now that he’s released from his Night’s Watch vows, Lord Snow can make a whole lotta ladies do this: