The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) announced earlier today that, within two decades, the entire planet of Mars will be utterly rife with “a bunch of fuckin’ nerdballs with calculators and shit.”

“We are thrilled to report that, through the tireless work of everyone in this building, as well as our numerous private donors, the whole fucking geek squad and dorkazoid crew will be able to stand around awkwardly on the Martian desert together in a few years,” said NASA spokesperson Lori B. Garver. “Fuckin’ tools.”

“Probably talking about Star Trek or some shit,” Garver added under her breath.


The colonization of Mars has been in the works for several years, requiring billions of dollars in funding and research by some of the biggest fucking dweeb-bots in all of academia, who probably get off to equations, right? Totally.

“At least we know Mars won’t become overpopulated, because those nerds… they ain’t fucking no one,” Garver added to raucous laughter among the press corps.

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