From the the hallowed halls of our nation’s most prestigious prep schools to the metal shops of our humble technical junior colleges, prom season has come to America once again. Prom season is a time of many questions for young people: What are you wearing? Whose limo will you be riding in? And, most looming of, who will be your date? Because if you don’t have a date, I can think of a certain dad who’d love to a go with you.
Let’s just say he’s a dad you’ve known for your entire life, and he’d do anything to make his son happy- even dusting off the ol’ tuxedo he never got to wear to his own prom, and looking the other way as his son and his friends sneak sips of sugary liquor drinks and engage in some good old fashioned heavy petting. You don’t want to go to prom alone, do you?
You wouldn’t be forced to slow dance with this certain dad or anything, no no. He’d instead take the hands of various female teachers and chaperones of appropriate age to dance with, shooting you (his son/date) a knowing wink when you encounter him on the dance floor- but this dad is no chaperone! Would a chaperone undo his cummerbund and lead all of his son’s friends in the craziest limbo dance in prom history? Of course not! You’d be so floored by the graceful, masculine dance moves of this certain father, you probably couldn’t help but join him.
You’re not too proud to do the funky chicken with your old man now, are you?
Then the big moment would come: the coronation of the prom court. All of his son’s friends have cast their vote, all whisper and titter in anticipation. The envelope is opened, and- what’s this? For the first time in prom history there is no queen at all, but rather two kings! Father and son, the new gods of prom! It is the the best night of both of their lives, all because a certain dateless young man was able to swallow his pride and invite a certain dad to prom with him. Imagine that!
But Julie is nice too, I know you were thinking of asking Julie.