Whoa, music fans all over the world — get ready to have your minds stay the same. We’ve got news that’s absolutely gonna make you go, “Oh.” Hold on to whatever you were already holding on to, even if it’s nothing. Why?
This morning, the non-Chris Martin members of Coldplay and the non-Adam Levine members of Maroon 5 announced they are forming a Velvet Revolver-like super group that is going to absolutely play music in public spaces in front of people.
We sat down with the new band, Plain Yogurt. They wanted to emphasize that the name of their band is actually World War We and that Plain Yogurt is just something the press has started to call them. “No one can or will remember our actual name,” said one man in this band who isn’t Chris Martin or Adam Levine. “It’s hurtful because we think we chose a very cool name and are cool guys.”
The men in this band (whose names I did not write down and cannot remember) explained that they met at a barbecue last summer. “We were all at Chris Kirkpatrick’s house and realized we were cutting our corn kernels off the cob on account of our soft teeth. We thought, what are the odds, we’re all in dope bands and all have chronically weak teeth. It snowballed from there.”
When asked why they chose to take the plunge into really being in a band, one of the anonymous men remarked, “You know, we’re also Grammy winners. We also play those massive, sold-out stadium shows. We are very very successful members of very successful bands already. Hey, are you falling asleep? Man, that’s so rude.”
The band is set to play its first gig at Cafe Arabica in Morristown, New Jersey which is the only play that would have them and has been closed for nearly 7 years.