Hey, North Korea, come with me into the den, will you? No, you’re not in trouble, we just want to talk for a second, ok? Ok, first of all, me (the U.S.), Russia, China and all the grown-ups think it’s super cool that you got miniature nuclear warheads. That’s real neat and we’re so excited to hear all about how you got them, how you plan to launch them at San Diego and Seoul, how they definitely, definitely work and aren’t fake. So, so cool, bud!
But here’s the thing, champ: the grown-ups needs some time to talk. So we’re gonna go ahead and break our ‘1-hour-of-media-on-school-nights’ rule and put Frozen on the iPad! Yay! Elsa and Anna on a Wednesday, so fun, right big guy?
Here, ya go, take the iPad, Frozen’s all cued up. No, everything’s fine! It’s just, we in the U.S. have some real important elections happening right now. The bad man with the floppy hair — yes, that’s right, the golf man, good memory, buddy! Anyway the golf man is getting closer and closer to being our President. And we need to take a little time to talk amongst ourselves and with the rest of the grown-ups to decide how we’re going to deal with that.
Also, ISIS — you remember ISIS, right? The bad guys who are an actual, immediate danger to the grown-ups? Well, ISIS keeps threatening to attack the UK and that’s a scary, meaningful things for us. Not that your threats aren’t meaningful. They’re just a…different kind of meaningful. It’s like how we love Israel and Saudia Arabia at the same time. We don’t love them in the same way but we love them equally.
No, buddy, that’s great but we really don’t have time to look at pictures of — ok, yup. Yeah, we see, sure. There you are next to that tiny nuclear warhead. Mhm, no, it looks so real! And look how scary you are in your fuzzy hat! We’re very scared. Ok, let’s hit play here on Frozen.
Awww, and it’s asleep. Dream, little KJ. Dream.