Yesterday, ancient racist, homophobe, and woman-hating bitch Phyllis Schlafly died ninety-two years behind schedule. Her death is a delight to all the marginalized people whose well-being she worked hard her entire shitty life to destroy. Although she lived a horrifically long time, she is finally dead, which is, as her close friend Donald Trump would say, “tremendous.”

Schlafly, who had a gay son, would actually talk about gay people like this: “Nobody’s stopping them from shacking up. The problem is that they are trying to make us respect them.” To be fair, this quote is from 2010, when Schlafly had lived over eighty years longer than she should have. 

This backward, craggy cunt also hated immigrants, specifically Latin American people, about whom she said: “They try to tell you they’re very pro-family, but they have a tremendously high illegitimacy rate.” In fact, Schlafly wrote an entire book about how much she hated immigrants, entitled Who Killed The American Family? Schlafly did most of the research for the book during the decades of borrowed time when should have been in the ground.

Schlafly’s longevity, while seemingly against the natural law, is often compared to the survival of cockroaches: a revolting creature that contributes nothing to the world but aggravation nonetheless lives on.


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