When our wedding anniversary comes around, my wife and I like to do something romantic. What’s more romantic than a two-hour loop of every single Kay Jewelers commercial edited together and recorded onto a VHS tape? It really gets us in the mood for sex. We pop that baby in the VCR we still have, adjust the tracking knobs and start fucking.

Nothing gets me harder and my wife wetter than watching racially identical human Barbies surprise each other on boats with Le Vian chocolate diamond pendants. Once we get going, we can synchronize our rhythm to the 30 second intervals punctuated by “Every Kiss Begins With Kay!”

Sometimes we’ll role play like we’re two actors shooting a SAG jewelry commercial. My wife will say “Where’d they put you up? The Hyatt or the W?” And I’ll say, “The Hyatt, how ‘bout you?” And she’ll say “The W.” And then she’ll say, “Those crafty breadsticks are so good but don’t let me have any more.” And I’ll say, “Haha, okay. Hey, were you in something for Samsung?” And she’ll say, “Yeah!” And then we’ll both cum all over the place.

So if you’re looking to spice things up, cue up a couple hundred Kay Jewelers commercials on YouTube and watch a man with leave-in conditioner protect a grown woman from thunder. It’s the kind of real life scenario that makes adults feel highly sexual.

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