Although beautiful to look at, the process behind how most aesthetically pleasing “store quality” fruits and veggies are created is not natural. Visibly perfect fruits and veggies undergo hormone and chemical alterations to look so good. We are here to show you how to eat organic produce that is just being natural. Though they may look like works of Satan’s sculpture, these provocative plants are perfectly delicious and nutritious!

1. Pile of Well Hung Carrots
Image Courtesy of: Food Navigator

Well endowed and aggressive, these carrots will not let you forget just how much they want to be in your mouth. Subtlety will not be on the menu tonight when they become sentient and use those carrot legs to march after you, swinging their carrot genitals in unison while you run screaming for your life. But, remember that these carrots are all natural and full of vitamin C!


2. This Erect Tomato
Image Courtesy of: Green Prophet

This erect tomato is ready to be sandwiched before you even take the deli meat out of the package. It’s going to follow you to your childhood bedroom and shove its wrinkly nub in your face and scream “EAT ME” while the stuffed animals on your bed watch in horror until your dad walks in. But don’t forget, that nubbin is fresh, juicy and full of citric acid!


3. This Enormous Vaginal Zucchini
Image Courtesy of: The Age

This zucchini will destroy your blissful dream state when its gaping vaginal folds swallow you whole. No one will be able to hear your screams when you’ve succumb deep within its womb. But don’t be thrown by the forward manner of this veggie’s vag, zucchini are a summer treat perfect for staying in or eating out.


4. Potato Tits
Image Courtesy of: Torquay Herald Express5. This Incredibly Ready Parsnip
Image Courtesy of: Plymouth Herald

Parsnips don’t often get as much love as they deserve, but are always waiting. Ready. And waiting. Behind any dark corner, shadowy alley or dimly lit salad crisper, this parsnip awaits. It’s ready to penetrate you so deeply that there’s no way you can resist falling for its charms. It just wants to be loved. So bad. So bad. So bad.
Don’t forget to vary up your veggies, it’s important try new salad options!

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