Janet Jackson is expecting her first child at age 50, which is risky because Jacksons can turn out in a variety of different ways. She’s really rolling the dice by bringing another Jackson into the world. Case in point: Janet herself. Janet is an excellent musician and accomplished actress who is known for likability and professionalism. So, yeah, that’d be a good baby.

But then you have a Jackson like La Toya, who is best known as a spokesperson for the Psychic Friends Network. La Toya has also bounced around lower-tier reality shows, including the long-forgotten Armed & Famous, in which she and literally Erik Estrada joined the Sheriff’s Department of Muncie, Indiana. So. We can all admit this is not the life we’d want for our baby. La Toya’s not a murderer or anything, but maybe that’s because there’s no reality show where you murder people.

There’s no discussion of the Jacksons without discussing Michael Jackson. Let’s go ahead and say it: mixed bag. Greatest pop artist of all time: certainly. Child predator: maybe. And “maybe a child predator” isn’t what you want to sew into a baby blanket. So, the dice, they are a-rolling.

We wish Janet the best and hope for a healthy baby with all the best qualities of Jacksons and none of the worst qualities. Maybe she’ll get a Jermaine? He seems … fine.

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