Dearly beloved: Eye have news 4 U. Sit ur sophistiphreaky self upon the strawberry bedspread and listen 2 my words. Brace urself 4 controversy.
R U Ready?
Eye M writing a book 4 U (2 read). U will read it 4 N-joyment, and it shall xceed all of ur nasty xpectations. My book will B ur passport 2 a brave nu world of funky luxury; a nu bible of ✌ and ❤. Never b4 have U beheld such a berrycream dream, designed 2 xpand ur freak vocabulary.
The book will B available in 2017 from Spiegel & Grau, an imprint ‘o’ Random House.
My publisher sez it is impossible 2 etch an N-tyre book on2 a string of pearls, but we will C about that. Eye have tasked Paisley Park’s most insatiable scientists (Zephanie & Andromeda) 2 develop sensual new 4-mats 2 deliver my word 2 U. My book is a whisperscream of xtacy, and it shall smell of plums.
Eye warn U tho: do not stock the sensual lovewordmachine which Eye have written in any library, as it will set the building ablaze like Alexandria of old. Instead, take it in ur hands, spreading its pages open like ur guava-juice body. The book shall bloom b4 U, a superfunkycalifragisexy Venus De Milo bathing in the purple sunshine of the cherry moon. U will know pleasure. U will B moved.
This is my announcement, and U have received it. See how the menagerie cries? Your erotic literary awakening is eminent. Eye M writing a book 4 u (2 read), which now though Eye must finish.
Eye have nearly spent my N-tyre advance of lilacs and diamonds.