With political interest at an all-time high, the Puppy Dogbate is projected to absolutely crush the dumb, boring People Debate in tonight’s ratings.

Bertie, the presidential nominee from the Repuplican Party, will square off against Banjo, the cutest li’l candidog you ever did see. This evening marks the first time that a pooch has represented the Democatic Party in its 700-year history (one century in people years).

The dogbate will last for caninety minutes, during which the candidogs will discuss important issues, including “Why did you tell me we were going to the park when we were clearly going to the vet?” and “Shouldn’t all medicine be wrapped in a slice of ham moving forward?”


Co-moderators Lester Holt and Direwolf Blitzer will also be asking questions that viewers have submitted on Facebark.

At the conclusion of the dogbate, America will name a winner, which is impossible because loogit their kyoot faces OMG puppieeez.

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