Thank you all for coming to my senate campaign event. While I am excited to continue talking about the many challenges facing America and how I plan to combat them, I must first take a few moments to address the comments that Donald Trump made in 2005.

In a conversation with Billy Bush, Trump bragged that he might sexually assault Bush’s “Today” show co-host, saying, “You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. When you’re a star […] you can do anything. Grab ‘em by the pussy.” Now, I do not have a wife. I have zero daughters. And therefore, I dunno, I guess that’s all fine?

I understand that a lot of my fellow Republicans have been withdrawing their support for Donald Trump, citing their wives and daughters as the reason. But as an unmarried man without a single daughter, I’m not really following why anything he said was bad.

Would I want Donald Trump, or anyone else, to behave that way towards my daughter if I did have a daughter? Jeez. That’s a lot to think about. We’re getting into some weird hypothetical territory here. I guess I would have to go with… maybe?

I should also mention that I have two sons, both out of wedlock. I don’t know how that relates to anything, but as long as we are talking about our children I thought I’d mention it. I’m very confused right now.

In conclusion, Donald Trump seems like a pretty okay guy.

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