The Opening Ceremony for the 2016 Olympic Games are set for this Friday in Rio de Janeiro. Officials planned to release 10,000 white doves at the beginning of the ceremony as a symbol of peace as all the nations come together to celebrate unity through athleticism.

But due to unforeseen causes, all of the doves have died. Andre, someone’s cousin, who was in charge of the doves said he checked on them in his garage last week and they seemed “fine” so he’s “not sure what could have happened.”

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Rio Olympic officials scrambled to find a new winged animal to release during the opening ceremonies, but found they were all dead too (ducks died of pollution, bats died of over-hunting, emus don’t live there but certainly would have died from people jumping on their backs trying to ride them). So officials settled on the only winged creature left in Rio, mosquitoes.

At first there was some push back because of the widespread fear of Zika. But Carmen Santos commented, “I mean… at this point it’s a given everyone will get Zika, so why not get it over with at the opening ceremony? Also, has anyone seen the Olympic torch? It’s gotta be around here somewhere.”


Karin is a cool babe who keeps things chill unless the sitch calls for her to ramp it up, then she does. She writes, and performs at the UCB in New York. @karilouhamm 

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