Are you sick of doing the same old dangerous shit that everyone tells you not to do? Looking for new, more dangerous shit to do? Boy, do I have an unsafe activity for you.

Like everyone else who is cool and not a total loser, I have been running with scissors for my entire life. However, it’s come to my attention that running with scissors just isn’t dangerous like it used to be! With the advent of safety scissors, the threat of cutting someone open while running with scissors has decreased greatly. LAME!!

As everyone who is cool knows, if you can’t cause serious bodily harm to yourself or others while doing something, then it’s a boring dumb thing that you shouldn’t do!

Running with scissors is for babies; sprinting with box cutters is REALLY where it’s at!

Get outta here with that lame crap!

Box cutters are responsible for countless injuries and are often regarded as one of the most dangerous common tools. So COOL!! Combine those super sharp blades with the increased velocity of sprinting, and you’ve basically got the most next level activity ever.

Plus, it’s so easy to do! All you have to do is grab a couple box cutters, completely extend their razor sharp blades, and then just fucking book it as fast as you possibly can, hoping you don’t kill yourself or anyone around you.

For added fun, try doing it in the most crowded place you can find, like the mall or the subway! That is, unless you’re chicken.

Get Laughs in Your Inbox From Above Average!
We PROMISE to only send you funny stuff.