Terrified Americans have been facing a rash of bizarre clown sightings over the past few months, as creepy clowns have been discovered in the woods attempting to lure in unsuspecting children. But these clowns have more on their agendas than just striking fear into the hearts of suburban families.

“I’ve been so busy terrorizing young children that I haven’t even stopped to think about my Halloween costume!” said one horrifying clown, browsing through the costumes at Party City as other customers quickly backed away.

“The last thing I want to do is show up to a Halloween party in my normal clothes,” he continued, adjusted his red nose and plastic fangs. “A lot of these guys think they’re too cool to dress up, but I’m not going to be a killjoy!”

Upon request, a helpful, trembling sales associate showed the clown some of this year’s most popular costumes.

“Elsa is still a big seller,” she said quietly, trying not to make eye contact. “Superhero costumes are classic. And a lot of people go for topical costumes, like Trump or Hillary.”

The clown’s eyes then widened maniacally as he spotted a costume across the aisle and picked it up.

“Sexy Firefighter,” he smiled giddily, though his face makeup remained in an unsettling frown. “I think this is the one!”

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