Sick, huh? Umm, yeah, come in. I guess I’ll take your temperature? That seems nurse-y.

See kid, here’s the thing though: I’m the school nurse. I really can’t do shit for you.

I mean, I can dispense you some medicine that’s already been prescribed to you and brought to school in a baggie by your parents, but like… that’s kinda it. Go ahead and lay down on this stiff vinyl mattress for a while if you want, I can probably find a pamphlet about washing your hands for you to read? That’s really about the ceiling of what I’m allowed to do.

It’s not even an issue of skills or anything- I’m totally an actual nurse. It just that this is school and not a doctor’s office, to say nothing of how touchy and litigious parents are nowadays. For real, I’d love to do more for you kid.

Unfortunately dude? I really can’t do shit. So uh, get back to class.

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