Presidential hopeful Donald Trump continued his staff overhaul this morning, replacing his own children with a bevy of former FOX News anchors.
“Eric Trump? Eric Trump is yesterday’s news, pal,” Trump said at an introductory press conference. “Eric was fine. But this is my new son, now. Andrea Tantaros. She’s beautiful, she’s smart, she already knows my chief advisor Roger Ailes. Andrea, welcome to the team.”
Tiffany Trump was summarily replaced by Gretchen Carlson, while Trump brought in both Glenn Beck and Matt Drudge to cover the responsibilities normally handled by Ivanka.
“Campaign managers come and go, but your kids are your kids forever, so it was important to choose very trustworthy kids,” Trump affirmed.
The campaign is currently looking for Donald Trump Jr.’s replacement, and insiders indicate that the decision-makers are leaning toward a can of hairspray with 70 teeth.