Hey East Coast, how’s it goin’ buddy? You wanna sit down for a sec? I’ve got some bad news. You know how we said that the big, exciting Juno storm was coming to get you? There’s been a change of plans.

It’s not coming, kiddo. I know you’ve been looking out your window waiting for it, and it breaks my heart. I wish I didn’t have to be the one to tell you this, but, you know. Snowstorms can’t talk.

God I hate seeing your face like this. Do you want to go to the park? Go ride the subway system? Hey, we can go to the arcade! It’s open because the storm didn’t come! Or you can just hang out in your room, that’s fine. Trust me, I’m just as upset as you are about this.

Hey tell ya what, let’s get some ice cream. Or pizza, it’s still too cold for ice cream.

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