Oh, so so sorry, love! When I invited you over to my ‘flat’ for a drink just now, I completely forgot that ‘flat’ isn’t a term used here in the states. What I should have said is, “Would you like to come over to my ap-art-a-ment sometime for a drink.” Just a silly mistake on my part. Sometimes I forget where I am until I peer down the lane and see which flag is flying!

You see 5 years ago I spent a week in town. SOOO sorry, I mean LONDON. You see in England, “in town” typically means “in London.” Nasty little habit, that. Moving on! 5 years ago I spent a week in London and became so accustomed to the Queen’s tongue that I sometimes substitute British verbiage for common American terms.

Alright, so. What I want to ask is: Would you like to come over to my apartment for a drink? I’m on the third floor and there’s no lift so — oh, bother! I’ve done it again!


I saw alll the sites that the bus went to!

In England, ‘lift’ means ‘el-ev-at-or’. Elevator. My building doesn’t have an elevator. I really apologize, this is quite daft of me — no, silly. This is quite silly of me. It’s just that, in those 7 days, 5 years ago, I was so immersed in English culture that the vocabulary really seems to have taken hold. Those 7 days erased the 28 years I spent in Kansas, which is where I’m from.

Every time I hopped off that tour trolly and got away from the rest of the Yanks, my senses were overloaded with the foreign-ness of the English tongue. I supposed my brain forged new, unbreakable synaptic connections that still fire to this day. Sausages are ‘bangers,’ chips are ‘crisps,’ sweaters are ‘jumpers,’ eraser is ‘rubber,’ cigarette is ‘fag–’ AND YES I CAN SAY THAT, I spent 7 days in England! It means ‘cigarette!!’

So, let’s try this again. Would you, dear, fancy a tipple in my Chelsea flat post-haste car park? No? Oh, because I’m insufferable? Well, maybe next time. Ta-ta! 

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