tammy_ver6There’s an old fishwife’s anecdote from the sea that back in ancient Greece Pythagoras was known as a real “Don Flamingo” with the ladies. After he invented the right angle with nothing but his bare hands he ran Athens like our contemporary Jay-Z runs New York. His lifestyle changed dramatically once he was granted access to a never-ending supply of Fage with honey, tons of free Parthenons, and multiple big fat weddings for years and years. After a busy evening filled with this or that he’d hit up the all-night Gyro parlours and woo a different mamacita every night, because come on, it’s Pythagoras, who wouldn’t? One weekend his old friend Euclid was visiting town to attend a NAMBLA convention and was crashing on Pythagoras’ couch. Euclid was like “Hey Pythagoras, you’ve done everything there is to do in this city, you’ve taken the flyest mamacitas to the best restaurants and experienced the finest dining Greece has to offer. A posteriori from one bro to another, what’s your favorite thing to eat?” Euclid was doing a little right-angling of his own, contriving to get a free meal out of Pythagoras and was hoping he would say “Shake Shack” or something. But instead Pythagoras thought a moment and wistfully responded “like just some lentils on a Wasa cracker.”

Dear readers, I confess: sometimes your humble reviewer can truly commiserate with boring old Pythagoras. I truly run the movie poster game, which is a great honor but can be taxing, and sometimes I just yearn for simplicity. Day after day I have to be exposed to the most dazzling, spectacular, mouth-dripping posters this great blue marble has to offer. And day after day people all over this crazy old rock we call Earth look to me as the arbiter of value, relying on me to sort the movie poster shwag from the sweet sticky poster kinebud. Movie posters offer the life of my mind innumerable varietals of thrills and adventures, from the foxiest mamacitas to the foxiest mamacitos, from the biggest machine guns to the smallest Noisy Crickets, from the greatest Monster Odysseys to the greatest Demon Iliads. It’s the most awesome life possible out of every single Quantum Leap I could possibly conceive. But once in a while I need to call a “time out” from this zany merry-go-round we call the movie poster biz! Sometimes I need to just kick back, do a couple whippets (it’s not illegal), and chillax with a low-key, salt of the Earth, homegrown movie poster. Tammy is just such a poster.

This poster just reeks of realness, like a red pill strait from Morpheus’ stinky palm. Look at these mamacitas- just a couple of Sara Plain and Talls, the sort you run into any night of the week down at the old strip bar soup counter. Their poorly dyed hair and Marshalls jumpsuits are endearing and honest. Look at the wood panel on the side of the soup counter with the thin-then-wide channeling: that sort of particle board is only seen in places where they can afford just the cheapest of construction materials, like Brooklyn apartments and church basements. Look at the ironic chandelier that is made of dead animals’ bones instead of the typical brass and crystal. These people have no pretensions or airs, it’s all so authentic, from the beer & shot combo right down to the stripper’s antithetical choice of footwear. I found “Nice view” to be a particularly clever double entendre– the poster itself is a nice piece of art to view, but also from that soup counter one could probably see right up this woman’s nanners! Nice view indeed!

Melissa McCarthy has really hit a baseball out of the baseball field with this poster. It’s the perfect way to Declare Your Independence from the big-budget robot and monster movie posters this summer. The only way it could possibly be better is if Melissa McCarthy and Susan Sarandon each had a live gardner snake stuck up one nostril and coming out the other.

8 out of 9 stars, highly recommend.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

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