“I did it. I’m the prince of cheese,” trumpeted presidential hopeful Ted Cruz following his Tuesday win in the Wisconsin GOP primary.
After delivering Donald Trump an overwhelming defeat, an elated Ted Cruz invited reporters back to his campaign’s headquarters for an extended interview.
“Teddy won the state where all the cheese comes from,” Cruz told reporters. “Teddy Bear loves his Polly-O’s! I peel them with my fingers and then I use my teeth to get the extra cheese from under my nails. I am happy to win Wisconsin. They love the cheesies and so does me!”
Mr. Cruz then curled into the fetal position in the top bunk and continued, “Teddy Bear gets to sleep on the top bunk tonight. Usually he sleeps on the bottom and Heidi sleeps on the top. See, when Teddy isn’t doing well in the polls, Teddy holds tension in his lower abdomen. It makes Teddy drip-drop tinkles from his wee-wee at night and the drip-drops fall on Heidi, Teddy’s wife. But when Teddy does well, Heidi sleeps on the bottom bunk and Teddy gets to sleep on the top!”
Mr. Cruz then demanded a campaign aide feed him a Fudgsicle and play his DVD of somewhat popular PBS Kids show because, “Teddy’s earned it.”
He was asleep before the pop was unwrapped.
Images via TK, YouTube