Kneeling at his bedside, a Texas man with a Desert Eagle handgun beneath his pillow prayed, as he does every night, for a home invasion.

“Lord, please deliver unto me a criminal, or two, stupid enough to break into this house. I swear I will be ready,” said the man, lightly stroking the 50-caliber weapon. “Allow me to exercise my rights under the laws of God and this great state to unleash the magnificent stopping power of this tactical pistol.”

The man, who had earlier gone through the house to make sure all of the windows were unlatched and that the back door was left enticingly ajar, then attached a laser sight to the pistol and double-checked the clip before continuing.

“Please, Jesus, I’ve been practicing with this baby at the range for hours upon hours,” prayed card carrying member of the NRA. “Please, my alarm system is disabled, my porch lights are turned off, and I have valuable electronics easily visible inside my home. Bring me a home invasion. Amen.”

The man then lay down to sleep, or as he would say, “I ain’t sleeping, I’m waiting.”

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