I just wanna say a big, “Thank you” to all the advertising execs who have finally done the right thing and let me choose my own ad experience on various streaming media platforms.

As an American, I love choices. I love a big, wet salad bar. I love to vote (by text, for televised singing competitions). And here in sunny Florida, I love knowing that if I am ever sentenced to death I can pick: the rope or the dope.

salad bar

Choices, choices, wet, wet choices. Image via RoncheBros.com

Now, I’m a Christian. I believe that an ad is ONLY between the first act of a TV show and the second act of a TV show. A 2 minute ad is unnatural and an affront to Jesus Christ himself. But, as an American I believe everyone should have the right to pick their own ad experience. You want a quiz, you take a quiz. You want a 2 minute sponsored content presentation, then you pick that. I say live and let live. Just stay off my lawn and OUT of my garden.

As an American I also believe in helping my fellow man. Choosing my ad experience is a simple way for me to provide real time data to ad agencies on my personal preferences and demographic. This in turn makes it easier for them to target ads to me for necessary products like gourmet dog food and soda that also whitens my asshole.

Now, maybe you’re one of those who doesn’t pick your ad and just lets whatever experience wash over you. You hit mute and don’t soak in the Bounty of an advertising Tide washing Swiffer-tly over you. You just watch that episode of Nashville with out Pepsi-ing the Fancy Feast that is your Johnson & Johnson No More Tears right to NY State Lotto. Well, to you I say “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.” Pick your ad. And the next time you see your local streaming media exec, say “Thanks for the choices, brother.”

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