As 2015 winds down, it’s time for a long list of white men that we retroactively sprinkled with a few women and black people. We were so psyched to make this list because these white dudes are dope as hell and the women and black people are ones that we found on Google. So get ready to rock ‘n roll, compadre….here are your 2015 Important White Men Plus 3-5 Women And Black People.

1. LOUIS C.K.

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This guy’s just the man. A great, great, great comedian. Like, we don’t even need to explain this pick so let’s not.

 

2. JOHN MAYER

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If you dismissed John Mayer for his antics in the press and early-2000s weepy love songs, you’re missing out: Mayer is one of the best blues and jazz guitarists around. If you want to learn something about either of those genres (blues or jazz) listen to some John Mayer.

 

3. MARK

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No one is a better digital marketing strategist than Mark. Well…maybe somebody is but Mark’s just like, so chill and easy to talk to. Also he’s so funny. He was doing this Louis C.K. bit it was so good dude.

 

4. PRESIDENT OBAMA

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Yeah don’t know much about this guy but excited to see what he brings to the table. Always good to have different perspectives.

 

5. TOBY

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Man, oh man, Toby spent most of 2015 cleaning out his sticky-tacky little anus and by the end of the year it was clean. He screamed and barked and licked at water the whole time, which made it even more amazing that his crack got so squeaky clean.

 

6. TRISTAN


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Sad little Tristan did such a good job being a big boy this year even though he nommy-nommy. This guy’s been working hard with very little recognition for almost twelve years now, putting on t-shirts and getting haircuts and sodas even though he’s needa nappy. Here’s to you, Tristan.

 

7. DAME JOCELYN BELL-BURNELL

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Jocelyn is the first-ever female president of the Institute of Physics, the current Pro-Chancellor of the University of Dublin, Professor of Astrophysics at Oxford University and she discovered the very first radio pulsars, which earned her thesis supervisor a Nobel Prize.

Meh.

 

8. ELVIN KISSY-HORSEY

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If you look up the definition of “consistent” in the dictionary, you’ll find a picture of Elvin Kissy-Horsey. This guy has been steady kissing horses for the last thirty-two years and he’s only getting better at it with age. In fact, Elvin invented the French Carrot – a signature move where he puts a carrot in his mouth and the horses French-kiss it out of him. He’s an amazing man.

 

9. LEE DANIELS

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“Show me the monayyyyy!!” hahaha wow. We’ll never forget that line from movie with black guy.

 

10. DIRK

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Dirk spent the first half of this year eating jalapeño poppers and the second half snoring and holding his pee-pee in his hands. Dirk and I went to camp together, so I just feel like he’s a good guy.

 

Photo credits: bclund.com; washingtonpost.com; bbc.co.uk; boldandsugar.com;

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