It’s been a bad week for America’s most famous boiled hot dog, Donald Trump. Macy’s announced this morning that they are cutting ties with human tupée D. Trump and phasing out his clothing line. If you’re not familiar, his clothing line looks as if it’s for the 80’s fashion loving man who wants to say “I do a ton of cocaine at my desk.” Before the stock disappears from the shelves, here’s a ranking of all the cufflinks on offer from the mid-price Trump Brand and what each set will say about you, the potential buyer.
Classic Offset Crystal Cufflinks
You are a modern business person. You negotiate in style! You are constantly destroying environmentally friendly light bulbs because they cause cancer and were created by idiots.
Pop these babies on and you’ll make the competition sweat. And it’s not because you think the concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive. It’s because you’re wearing 26 stones on EACH of your wrists.
These colorful cufflinks are modeled after Italian cookies. Show that you have a sensitive side by wearing these beauties to work. Everyone will be certain of the fact that care about the health and well-being of birds everywhere.
Crystal Square Cufflinks
Nothing says “I’m a Big Boy Dealmaker” like Crystals arranged in a 5×5 grid with even smaller crystals between those crystals. These cufflinks are for true white collar closers who can wield the the truth telling powers of social media with total control.
Money Sign Cufflinks
YOU HAVE LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY. NEVER FORGET THAT. YOU ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE AND ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU OTHERWISE IS A FUCKING FILTHY, PEASANT LIAR. THEY ARE GARBAGE. YOU ARE #1 BUSINESS LEADER. FIGHT!!!