In an interview to promote Avengers 2: Age of Ultron, Channel 4‘s Krishnan Guru-Murthy insisted on asking Robert Downey Jr. questions about his past drug abuse, incarceration, and other oddly heavy topics, prompting Downey to get up and leave the interview. Above Average has recently acquired a transcript of another Krishnan’s conversation gone wrong, this one with a girl scout just trying to sell him girl scout cookies.

[Doorbell rings]

KRISHNAN GURU-MURTHY: Hello there, little girl.

GIRL SCOUT KATIE THOMPSON: Hello, Sir! My name is Katie Thompson. I’m going door to door raising money for my troop. I’d love to tell you about these delicious cookies. I have a box of thin mint cookies, which are really really yummy, along with my favorite, Samoas, which are such a wonderful treat!

Interesting. I have some questions?

Of course!

Now, the practice of door to door sales is invasive, to say the least. Probably the most oppressive strategy for fundraising. Bringing little girls face to face with prospective buyers forces the buyer to either purchase the product or disappoint a young child. If I really wanted girl scout cookies, I could just go to the website and have it delivered to my house. But here you are on my property almost guilting me to give you my money. Do you feel like what you’re doing is oppressive?

Op…Oprah? What?

Oppressive. In other words, do you feel like you are putting a burden on me that is unjust or even tyrannical?

I just want to sell cookies so my troop can go to Six Flags.

And I think that’s great and I enjoy your cookies. And if I’m making you uncomfortable you don’t have to answer, I guess, but…you’ve sold cookies on this block before so you have a history of being intrusive. Are you parents intrusive? Do they influence you to be insensitive? For instance, do you see your father as somebody who cares about you or as somebody you obey?


What does this have to do with cookies?

Well, I think it’s relevant. And it’s my job to get to the heart of this.

My dad…um…the thin mints are a refreshing mix of chocolate and peppermint…

Curious. Currently, the boy scouts of America have held firm on their stance against homosexuality. Yet the girl scouts have remained relatively quite about the issue. As a representative of the girl scouts, can you speak to where your organization stands on that issue? Do the girl scouts remain silent because they agree that homosexuality should be something that we as a culture exclude? Or is your organization simply looking the other way to avoid controversy? Which is worse, in your opinion? Is your father gay?

I don’t feel good.

Well I think you have a responsibility to the gay community to answer these questions.

I…um…ahhh…

[KATIE THOMPSON RUNS AWAY]

(TO HIMSELF) Hmmm. That’s a shame. I really did want some cookies. 

John Trowbridge is a writer/performer you can catch regularly at the UCB Theater in NYC. Check him out on twitter at @johntrowbridge or his website johntrowbridgecomedy.com.

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