On December 18th, The Force Awakens will premiere and introduce a slew of new characters from the Star Wars universe, including Finn, Rey, and Poe Dameron, and C-Pee-Pee-Poo, a robot made of toilet stuff.
Much like his predecessor, C-3PO, C-Pee-Pee-Poo is a humanoid robot designed to serve human beings. Unlike C-3PO, who is “fluent in over six million forms of communication” and serves as a sort of ambassador throughout the Galaxy, C-Pee-Pee-Poo is made of pee and poo.
C-Pee-Pee-Poo doesn’t have the ability to dissemble, but he can regenerate forever because as long as humans keep making pee-pee and poo, they’ll keep making C-Pee-Pee-Poo. You see, allllll the toilet stuff that comes out of humans goes into a big pile, and C-Pee-Pee-Poo uses his advanced regeneration technology to squish handfuls of new pee and poo onto himself.
C-Pee-Pee-Poo’s origin story is complex. He was constructed on the planet Affa by a 7 year-old boy named Dirk, who was formerly the king of the Hoth cafeteria. In Star Wars, Pee-Pee-Poo, as he’s sometimes called, is injured in the Battle of Yavin, when a stormtrooper tries to wipe him away with toilet paper. But a monkey in Jabba the Hutt’s compound accidentally squishes C-Pee-Pee-Poo back together, and he keeps rollin’ around the universe.
Just as C3PO is perceived as a god and, for this reason, is able to convince the Ewoks to join the Rebels in the Battle of Endor, C-Pee-Pee-Poo stinks up every room he’s in with piles of pee-pee and poo. In Revenge of the Sith, C-Pee-Pee-Poo almost stops Anakin from fully turning to the dark side of the Force, but he misses his chance when, instead, he just slides down the side of a toilet to collect more toilet stuff.
The Force Awakens is sure to be an amazing movie not least of all because C-Pee-Pee-Poo, a robot made of toilet stuff, will smear the Star Wars universe with all new colors.