Giggles erupted from the classmates of William Calder, 6, after the young boy had a wee bit of an accident. It was an embarrassing situation, to be sure, but on the bright side, at least it was a traumatizing memory that will follow him for years to come.

“Oh yeah, it was a grade-A drawers flooding,” recounted school nurse Linda Kafsky. “The other kids aren’t gonna forget about this for a long time. No, probably not until he moves away for college or develops a completely different social circle.”

Eyewitnesses agree that no accomplishment in subsequent years—not even a state football championship, class presidency, or prom king crown—could possibly overshadow this single moment. Well into his teens, his peers will continue to refer to William by names like Wet-Spot Willie, Tinkle Trousers, and Pee-Pee McGee.

That’s just what you deserve when you lack complete bodily control at an age where you barely know right from wrong. Many would go so far as to call this undying ridicule a cornerstone of the American educational system.

Here’s the good news: much of the teasing is expected to shift away from William in middle school, due to one of his classmates getting an erection in the middle of a class presentation.

But until then, have fun in school, Pee-Pee McGee! Don’t forget to pack an extra pair of pants!

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