Prepare to witness some truly disturbing behavior. This man has been ending every one of his text messages with a period for years.
This is him right here:
No matter what the content of the text message, this sick fuck, whose name is Matt, finishes every single one with a cold-blooded period. In an exhibition of his truly psychotic nature, he will respond to friendly, lower-case messages haphazardly sprinkled with exclamation points with several full, grammatically correct sentences, ending them each with a period, before pressing SEND and ruining someone’s life.
Friends and neighbors all report that “Matt” always seemed normal, not like the kind of person who was systematically terrorizing people with aggressively formal punctuation in casual contexts. “I guess I should have known he was capable of this kind of thing,” said a FedEx delivery man. “He always tucked his shirt in. In the summer too. That’s so weird, right? It’s like, loosen up, guy.”
An ex-girlfriend who wished to remain anonymous said that Matt’s constant periods in text messages drove her to contact authorities. “One night he – I’m sorry – he texted back ‘Awesome.’ Just like that. Not sarcastic or anything, just, genuinely: ‘Awesome.’ It gave me a chill down my spine. I couldn’t believe I had been sharing a bed with this person.”
Matt is currently in custody while a forensics team scrolls through his phone looking for every nauseating offense. According to the police, he’s sitting quietly with his legs crossed, sipping tap water from a cup.