Brooklyn’s notoriously empty and unpopular Prospect Park was full on Sunday with Bernie Sanders supporters and only Bernie Sanders supporters. The Sanders campaign says it had his most attended rally ever with over 28,000 people showing up not to enjoy the weather, but to hear an old Jewish man yell in a park, a rare event in Brooklyn.


“I’m 10% here for Bernie, 90% here for frolf weather!”

Reps form the Sander’s campaign confirmed they arrived at the total by, “assuming everyone in the park was there for Bernie. Maybe the record-breaking number had something to do with the fact that it was a cloudless, 68 degrees Sunday in the park, but we think it was mostly the political rally that drew vitamin D and joy deprived New Yorkers outdoors on a perfect day.”

Several park-goers expressed surprise to discover they had been counted toward the Sander’s rally total. Sunbather Devin K. Moustache commented, “Oh, wow I was at a political rally? I mean I support Bernie because I’m a white man from Brooklyn who sees Sanders as a kind of redemptive figure for men like me who consider themselves woke but in the deepest corner of their hearts, resent their female bosses. That’s who I am. But, no, I was just laying down a sick base for my summer bronze.”

Bernie’s next rally, somewhere in Pennsylvania on a Tuesday, won’t have as many people probably.

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