Reports from Philadelphia this morning indicate that Vice Presidential nominee Tim Kaine spent the night in the Wells Fargo Center, picking up confetti and popping balloons.
“He just said, ‘Guys, I got this,’ ” reports Liza McNamara, a maintenance worker at the arena. “He seemed tired but also very excited at the prospect of having an entire arena to clean up. He kept saying, ‘Timmy has lots of chores, doesn’t he?’ It was weird but I was happy to go home.”
The Clinton campaign confirmed that one of Senator Kaine’s qualifying traits to be vice president is his love of chores. “Senator Kaine is an outstanding public servant, a talented politician and, yes, he loves to rinse out used Zip Loc bags and trim bonsai trees like Mister Miyagi in The Karate Kid. The man loves chores, the more tedious the better.”
The campaign has not, however, addressed whether Senator Kaine is cleaning up the entire Wells Fargo Center by himself. “For security reasons we cannot confirm whether Senator Kaine is still in the arena. However we can say that he is well protected, has a push pin, thousands of scented Hefty bags and enough Clorox wipes to last a suburban family a lifetime. So don’t worry about the Senator. He’s a very happy chore boy today.”
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