These days, it seems like almost hourly another story comes out about committing sexual assault, apologizing for sexual assault, dismissing assault allegations, degrading women because of their appearance, claiming that accusers of sexual assault do it for fame, or suggesting to repeal women’s right to vote. And if we widen our scope from just the past week of the presidential election, there’s also the laughably short jail sentences for rapists, constant threats to women’s reproductive rights, the wage gap, online harassment, and the thousands of other microaggressions women endure daily.

In response, women of Earth released a collective statement today, saying, “Get us the fuck off this planet.”

“We can hope that things will eventually get better,” said one woman. “But honestly, I’m just so, so tired of all this bullshit.”

Now that NASA has set its sights on Mars, women are volunteering to take the first flight out, requesting that men stay behind on Earth.


“They can have earth all to themselves,” another woman explained. “Make the whole planet their own personal locker room.”

When asked if she was worried about the potential dangers of being the first group of humans to colonize Mars, yet another woman replied, “Not even a little. It’s got to be better than this constant onslaught of insulting, dehumanizing fucking bullshit day after day.”

Although human travel to Mars is not anticipated to become a reality until the 2030s, women have set astounding records in donating money towards NASA’s research and development in order to get out ASAP. For once, the women of Earth are feeling optimistic about the future.

“Good luck finding pussies to grab now!”

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