Brushing aside accusations that his campaign and personal wealth alike have been financed by Vladimir Putin and the Russian oligarchy, a spokesman for Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump reminded critics of the small donations made to the GOP nominee’s bid. “This summer’s fundraising speaks for itself: Trump has electrified the Republican base” said a Trump rep this weekend. “We raised over 5 Billion rubles in July alone.”
“Some donations came in dollars, some came in cents. Some were yen, and honestly? Some were rubles. Whether that’s a lot or a little of our total liquidity, there’s just no way of telling. Donald is a very busy man, and doesn’t have time to vet every last donation” the spokesperson explained.
“All together though, we’re talking 80 million bucks here. Or, in winner speak: over 5 billion rubles. You tell me what sounds better: 80 million bucks, or 5 billion rubles? A-doyyy.”
Trump’s rep went on to remind everyone that Vladimir Putin is actually a pretty good dude, and that Mr. Trump’s unreleased tax records are of no consequence to this discussion.