Presidential hopeful Donald Trump added another key member to his team this morning, hiring a naked statue of himself to a senior advisory role.

“What that statue does takes balls, he’s unafraid,” lauded Trump to a throng of supporters gawking at the naked statue. “He’s out there, baring himself in front of the world. That’s the sort of person we need whispering in my ear.”


Naked Trump Statue joins an illustrious list of Trump advisors, including a former TV executive who resigned amid sexual harassment allegations, a lawyer who seems unfamiliar with the process of conducting election polls, and several other statues probably.

Naked Trump Statue will likely lead Trump’s team with subtle, measured policy advice, such as “stop the pigeons from shitting on me” and “we need to deport all Mexican art back to Mexico” and “let me try to have sex with the Statue of Liberty right now please.”

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