With few prominent Republicans willing to speak at this year’s Republican National Convention in support of his nomination, Donald Trump has decided to deliver every speech over the course of the four-day event himself.

“Crooked Hillary is going to have others speaking at her convention for her. Lack of leadership. Very bad,” Trump tweeted earlier today, followed shortly after by “I will play every role at RNC like Eddie Murphy in excellent African-American movie Nutty Professor. Going to be great. Very high ratings.”

Eddie Murphy refused to comment for this article.

Eddie Murphy refused to comment for this article.

According to sources, Trump intends to portray every Republican leadership archetype over the course of the three-day event, including: upstart outreach minority Congressperson; no-nonsense military dude; religious lunatic; B-list actress; elderly party figure everyone hopes won’t say something racist; shadowy businessperson; largely unobjectionable wife of candidate; and Kid Rock.

It is, as of yet, unclear whether the homage to the now-twenty-year-old blockbuster remake – largely considered a return to form for Murphy – will be lost on younger voters, or if there will be a pre-taped, complexly choreographed segment featuring all of these GOP caricatures gathered flatulently around a large dinner table.


Adam D’Arpino is a comedy writer and video producer living in Brooklyn, because of course he is. He tweets jokes for his dad @AdamDArpino

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