Listen, the fact is, the system is rigged against me. These debate moderators, they’re all gonna to try to make Trump look very, very bad. If it was up to me I’d say to Hillary, let’s just sit down and talk like people, no moderator. But for some reason she doesn’t want to. Pretty suspicious if you ask me!

So if we have to have a moderator, I only know one person who’s unbiased enough for the job, and her name is Mrs. Trumpfire.

Who is Mrs. Trumpfire? Well, for one, she’s a very sweet old lady. She’s not going to ask any unfair questions to make people look bad, especially me.

For another thing, she’s a very handsome older woman, nice to look at. Real big hands.

How did I meet her? I, uh, I mean I don’t see why that’s relevant. But I guess you could say, we’ve always been very close.

Let me introduce you to her, just stay right there. No, don’t follow me. I’ll go get her and bring her here. But just so you know, I also have to go to the bathroom so I might not come back until after she leaves. Don’t worry about it. You’re gonna love her!

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